Photography by Phoebe Taylor

You shouldn’t feed chocolate to cats. It’s bad for their hearts and teeth. I don’t know this from experience, just simple common sense. Also, leaving chocolate in a hot car for 5 hours reduces it to goop. Tasty, tasty goop, but goop nonetheless.

These are my two favourite things at the moment: my cats, and chocolate. I’m supposed to be learning lines for my next show – A Reading List for the Outback Housewife – but what I am doing is playing with my fluff-ball princess powder puff cat named Persephone, and eating chocolate that’s been left in a hot car for 5 hours.

You see, Mallory – that’s my character – is a bitch. A 38-year-old dyed in the wool Catholic who lives in 1940s outback Australia and who hates sex. I’m finding it difficult to relate to her. It’s also the third insane bitch character I’ve played this year, which leads me to believe that I play nasty and mad very well. You gotta do what you’re good at.

Mallory
“A Reading List for the Outback Housewife”
Written and directed by Christopher Bryant
Photography by Sarah Walker

I have a story, dear reader. A few chapters have already been scripted and performed to the world via the awesome world of theatre, and yet there is still more. There is my story, and there are other stories that are waiting to be told and vented all over anyone who cares to listen. If you will permit me, in the weeks, months, even years to come, I would like to vent on you.

Tastefully.

With chocolate.